Lindsey Lohan's Half Sister Revealed

We have started to unravel the mystery behind the web of lies Michael Lohan has spun. Last week we found out that Michael might be the dad of a 13 year old girl, and Lindsey Lohan's half sister. This week we find out the 13 year olds name is Ashley Kaufmann. OK magazine spoke to Kaufmann's mom about the fact she believes without a doubt that Michael is the father. Personally I would have told Ashley that I got gang raped by a group of homeless people, but that's just me. Ok Reports:

"Many times I offered to do this privately so the other Lohan kids wouldn't be hurt," Kristi told OK! "But Michael would not live up to his obligations." Kristi says she met Lohan at dinner with a mutual friend in the 1980's. Years later, the two met up again in 1994 and began an affair.It went on for about 4 weeks," she says. "He told me he was separated from Dina. He told me about Lindsay's Jell-O commercial. He took me to meet his parents. We were in love."

In fact they were so in love that when Kristi popped the good news to Michael he jumped for joy. He was so excited that he went to go get a bottle of champagne to celebrate, but mysteriously got lost and never returned. Ah...:

"Over the years, she says she tried to get in touch with Michael in the hope that he would recognize Ashley, 13, as his daughter, and finally received a phone call from him during his time in jail where Kristi says Michael finally admitted, "I always knew she was mine."
Michael has written several letters to Ashley over the years, but the two have still not met."

I honestly do not know what Kristi was thinking. You could have raised her by yourself, and Ashley could have been a fruitful member of society. Now you have introduced her as the blood kin of the most fucked up family in Hollywood. Congratulations Kristi, you have just made America's next teen cock ...I mean coke fiend.